Kabutar Konundrums

No, I’m not a K-serial addict.


Yes, I know conundrum is spelt with a ‘C’.


Yeah, yeah, yeah..... I used a ‘K’ coz I felt like it.... Fine???


But I digress…back to the ko....errr....conundrums.


I swear I used to be this nice, gentle, more-peaceful-than-the-Buddha type....compared to Phoolan Devi at least. But Mumbai’s changed all that. The villain here is the pigeon a.k.a. the kabutar.


Oh you know them……remember that standard movie scene, where the grey birdies fly away as the camera zooms in on the Gateway of India?? They’re the ones. Yep….. you see them right before the camera moves on to Marine Drive.


Ok, that’s enough of SoBo for you. Time to move on to a scene that recurs fairly regularly in less glamorous parts of the city.


An ordinary shoebox-sized apartment in suburban Mumbai.


Background noise. Scraping and the ruffle of feathers. A guttar-goo that’s suspiciously close by. Stealthy human footsteps.


A sudden explosion of noise. Falling furniture. Flying pigeon, followed by flying books, newspapers etc, followed by an outstretched broom. And the outstretched broom has a screaming, cussing Zahra attached to the handle.


Despite her blinding fury, Zahra manages a valiant swipe at the offending creature. A bottle of water falls down, valiant victim to the valiant swipe. Idiot bird keeps trying to fly out of a closed window despite a clear path to the open one next to it.


Now comes the part that Zahra REALLY has a problem with.


Dumb pigeon perches on the curtain rod and lets loose. And I mean LOOSE.


Like, how on earth can such a small creature produce so much SHIT??!?!?!? Having fulfilled his vile agenda, the $%$#%& bird finally figures out that a window is open, and flies out. Bravo.


Can’t believe they trusted these creatures with messages in the World Wars….. but back to the ish-tory. Bewildered suburban pedestrians stare in surprise as a wild haired, wild eyed, screeching (but ..ahem…amazingly gorgeous) woman, sticks her head out of the window, brandishes a broom and yells…

“Miserable creature, may you DIE of constipation!!!!!!!”



Deafening, shocked silence.



“Aww, c’mon yaar, my aloo ki subzi wasn’t that bad.”


That’s the roomie who’s just come in. Zahra gives her a baleful look and gets back to yelling outta the window (still looking amazing btw…cough, cough!!)


That’s pigeons for you. I mean, seriously, the world would be a nicer place if these (and other) avians had no excretory systems at all. Or excretory outlets. Whatever.


Btw, before I forget… let’s have a round of applause for the exquisite Ms. Sonam Kapoor. Rumour hath it that she’s a serious candidate for Best Supporting Actress post Delhi-6.


What? You don’t know why??


Remember the masakali-matakali routine with the kabutar supported on her head??


“Zahra, your PJs………….. Grrrrrr!!!”


Uh-oh. That’s the roomie coming after me with the broom.


Time to run fo…thwack…OUCH!!!

Intellect - His and Hers

A sincere request to all the guys out there.....

When you talk about wanting an intelligent and accomplished woman in your life, do take a moment to consider exactly how much intelligence and accomplishment you can handle. For nine times out of ten, I've seen that a man is more comfortable if he is the intellectual superior of his partner. Preferably on the career front as well. Superior, mind you, not even equal. I don't intend for this to be a blanket statement.... I have seen some exceptions, but they have been far and few in between. Fine, so we've got a truckload of societal conditioning to deal with, but I won't get into that right now. And yes, quite a lot of women seek a partner they can look up to.

Like, dude, it's your life and your opinion. And it can significantly impact somebody else's life too. So please be frank about it, and don't try to be what you're not. In case you haven't considered this aspect till now, please do.

I really can't tell if you'll find much female support for directly/indirectly saying that you want the upper hand...... but I can assure you that the honesty will be greatly appreciated.... and respected.

Even if it takes a little while coming.

Songs of my days

All of us have certain triggers that unleash a set of memories or emotions. It could be anything. A sight, a smell, a song, a voice, the sound of laughter…absolutely anything. While I have ‘triggers’ filed away neatly under each of these and more, it’s undoubtedly the song category that’s filled to bursting.

Come to think of it, I could retrace my entire life through a series of songs.

My earliest memories would be of listening to tape after tape of Yesudas and Chitra’s Malayalam duets. And some SPB hits in Tamil. Not to forget Ilaiyaraja.

And that brings back memories of days before the scourge called 'education' hit me (:-P)…of our first home in Gelfie-land, and the tape recorder that proudly stood on the sideboard. Unfortunately my aged-three-years version of Kannai Kalaimaane is still quoted verbatim by my folks (Sob!) Am not trying to say that the aged-twenty-something version’s better, but atleast the words are not scandal-inducing. Btw, that song’s the Tamil precursor of Surmai Akhiyon Mein.

Net result: I’m a lifelong fan of Yesudas and still think nobody can sing like he does. Like, for heaven’s sake listen to that voice, and then consider that he’s pushing 70 now!!!

Time moves ahead. Now there are early morning rides to school. And buddy, I mean early, coz my classes started at 7!!! I was a whiner-cum-howler who’d faithfully cling to her Amma’s hand every morning, so school, predictably, wasn’t the best way to start the day. The only consolation was the music during the ride in Dad’s (and my) beloved 1990 Daewoo.

Enter Messrs Kishore Kumar and Mohd Rafi.

Aiyyayya karoon main kya sukoo-sukoo??

Gaata rahe mera dil…Ek ajnabee haseena se yun mulakaat ho gayi….

Kehna hai…humein tumse pyaar kitna…..

Is mod se jaate hai…

Aur agley mod leke, we’d finally reach school. And those songs would be playing in my head all day. Kishore Kumar’s amazing no doubt, and I am a big fan. But somehow, I’ve always had a softer corner for Rafi’s songs.

Not too long after came the glorious day when I took my ‘savings’ (all the chillar collected over several years) and bought….

……(What else??) A (then) sleek, (then) classy looking, (still) great sounding National Panasonic tape recorder. Wow. I can still recall the excitement…and sense of achievement. Doubt if anything I’ve got for myself since has matched up to that first buy.

The recorder found its way to my study corner, as did Amma’s contribution to my music fetish. Two complete albums of Jim Reeves. And thus did a lifelong love-affair bloom. Maaannnn, whattayyyy voice……I still turn into a puddle of incoherent, starry-eyed idiocy when I hear his songs.

If there is some other way to prove that I love you… (Oh, Jimmmmm…really???)

….. I swear I don’t know how (It’s okay…. Believe me!!!)

That such amazing talent died so young is a big, biiiiiiig loss. Oh btw, THIS is the man responsible for my voice fixation….. In case you didn’t know already, a good voice can do wonders for a guy’s wow-score in my rule-book (90% weightage sometimes!!)

Oh come on, don’t snigger. Gals, imagine your honest reaction when you meet your dream man who’s a John Abraham/ Junior B look-alike….. and then realise that he sounds like Sachin Tendulkar…or Laloo Yadav. No offense to either of them, but I trust you’ve got the point.

Back to the music. Then Abba came along as did the Beatles, BeeGees, Jackson 5, NKOTB, Eternal, Police and the rest. And (ahem!) yeah, I went through the Boyzone-MLTR-Richard Marx phase too…. But NOT Spice Girls-BSB-Aqua (whew!). And when a phenomenon called A.R. Rehman came along, I silently breathed a prayer of thanks. Oh the Mallu, Tamil and Hindi gaanas were there too, but I was more active on the Angrezi front then.

And the melange grew more and more interesting as school progressed to college. Pop, rock, retro and movie music combined into unique definitions for each year. Or situation.

Any song from Minnalae brings back the cheering and yelling during fiercely fought inter-dep contests during undergrad. Kaakha Kaakha is permanently linked to a howlarious class trip to Goa.

A much-loved violin instrumental of Kabhi Kabhi conjures up visions of the Qutub Minar in twilight as seen from my hostel room. The same view through misty veil-like sheets of rain whenever O Saathi Re (of Omkara) plays.

Of packing bags to go home post-exams, at 2 a.m. amid shouts and screams of laughter, when Dil Jo Bhi Kahey blasts away in the background. Off-key caterwauling to the accompaniment of empty Bisleri bottles whenever Kajra Mohabbatwala plays.

Of how Kajra Re defined us being ragged in the first year of B-School, Beedi Jalai Le when we did the ragging in the second, and Sajnaji Vaari Vaari in our farewell party.

It’s not about the songs having any significance per se in the context. I guess it’s about a significant memory that acted out while the song was played.

Another category I haven’t mentioned so far, but has been there all along is sacred music and gospel. Thanks to this genre I never knew something called stage fright. At least not while singing in a group. Singing in a church choir is something I’ve been doing for most of my life, and the satisfaction it brings is something else altogether. Catching up on musicals by the MMA and MCC choirs in Chennai, and Paranjothi in Mumbai is something I do religiously, and methinks it’s worth the pain taken.

I guess I can’t possibly list down every single song that brings back a recollection. Hopefully, I haven’t lived half my life yet, so I’m wishing that the soundtrack of my life gets more interesting with every passing day.

And while that’s happening, turn up the volume folks…and let the music play!!!