Memory bytes

Indulged myself in a cupboard-rummaging session when I went home for the Easter weekend. On one of those lovely Chennai afternoons with a light drizzle and a cool breeze at 2:30 p.m. (yes!). With the rest of the family in siesta mode, I had all the time in the world.
So there I was with my ‘treasures’ of the past decade strewn all over the place. An assortment of random doodles done in different classes at different ages, notes passed around in class to share catty comments, birthday cards, friendship bands (Jeez!), team ribbons (Maaannn!!!) and much more.
The most interesting find was a coupla manila covers with nearly a hundred assorted photographs. Vaguely remembered pulling them outta albums as and when they caught my fancy. Given that I was seeing the lot after nearly 4-5 years, it took me on a full fledged hike down memory lane.

Like the one where big bro and I are frozen in mid air above a trampoline. Where he’s all of six years and I’m aged four. With HUGE grins pasted on our faces.

My Ammachy surrounded by her grandkids. (Ammachy is ‘Grandmother’ in mallu X’ian lingo. Bless her soul)

Parents’ wedding pic. (Ohmigosh, Dad had a French beard?? And what kinda trousers was he wearing????)

Moi with friends on our first sari-wearing session in high school. All dolled up and giggly but the ‘little girl’-ishness is intact. Suddenly, sixteen doesn’t seem as grown up as it was made out to be.

With Dad just before leaving for school one day. (I was wearing two ponytails???AND ribbons????? :-O Noooooo…..) This one undoubtedly has ‘Daddy’s Girl’ stamped all over it.

Our first snap as a family. Taken when they brought Mom and me home from hospital.

But the one that found me staring at it for the longest time was one of me and my Mom. Where Mom’s carrying her year-old baby. In typical mom-and-kid pose, with a lovely smile on her face. It’s not the cuteness/sweetness aspect that struck me. What hit hard was:

1. I finally realised that the rest of the family was right. I do look like her. Uncannily so. Explains how her long lost college pals and phoren- cousins would take one look at me and say “But I’d know her anywhere…”
2. The freshness and optimism on her face. It’s not just youth. Given what I know, I think it came from a very simple belief that life ahead for her, her man and her child would be worth looking forward to, no matter what it held.

Dunno what the foundation is for such uncomplicated faith. Mebbe her faith in God. In herself. In the people around, though she’s been let down often enough. An extremely resilient spirit perhaps?
Have found myself wondering since what I would feel like in that same situation. If my turn ever came. At 24, I already feel like a jaded 50 year old cynic. Blame it on the times and circumstances I’ve grown up in. On a world that denies your right to innocence and simple faith. Where everything HAS to be complicated to the last degree or it doesn’t become worth talking about. Or even thinking about.
Have had plenty of disagreements with Amma. Still do. Some are bound to remain unresolved. Or even get worse. But despite it all, she still retains her belief that I am and will remain an individual worth all the love, trust and respect I can get. That knowledge has got me through situations time and again. Given me the guts to hang in there and fight it out. Kept me searching for who I truly am. To walk out on people who figured I was insignificant enough to kick around.
Wow. It's amazing what a little faith can do. Mebbe it wouldn’t hurt to try it out on the people in my life either.

I know this much. The next time someone says “You’re just like your mother”, I’d be hoping that it’s not only the looks that they’re talking about.

Though I don't say it often.....here’s to you Ma.

Thank you.

Now listening: Let it all go - Mark Knopfler