A (blighted) day in the life of Zahra

9:30 a.m.

Uneventful 45-minute ride to office. I get down at the office entrance, only to have the next auto driving in wreak muddy havoc on my pristine white salwar.

Stay calm, stay positive. Breeeeeaaaathe.

It's tooooo early in the day to murder somebody, babe.

Surf Excel hai na.

Walk, no, STALK into office, snarling at the watchman on duty.

10:10 a.m.

My karmampudicha PC has taken nothing short of 30 minutes to start up. Leaving me to twiddle my thumbs and toes. The blasted machine actually flickered to life only after I folded my hands, whining "Pleeeeeaaaaase" under my breath.

I swear the thing's possessed.

10:15 a.m.

Rush to canteen for breakfast, or whatever's left of it.

Menu:

1. Missal Pav. Nope. Burned my stomach lining off with it yesterday. Gotta allow it two days to regenerate.

2. Vada Pav . Ho-hum.

3. Amb-let Pav. Huh?? Oh ok...Omelette Pav.

4. Bhajiya Pav. Honestly...this guy will stuff anything into a pav.

Finally settled for Idli-Sambar against my better judgement. Takes 20 minutes to finish as I have to step on one side of the idli and lop off chunks from the other side.

The idlis in college were better. We only had to throw them at the class rep's head.

11:30 a.m.

The Big Boss has sent out one of those "Hey guys let's catch up on the team reviews" emails to everyone.

Venue: Conference Hall

Time: 14:00 hrs IST

Date:.... (Gasp!!!) Saturday?!?!?!?

#@$#@$%#$%$!!! Please fill in with vowels and consonants of your choice. Foul language is against my credo.

Like, DUDE, you may not have a life to catch up with on weekends, but the rest of us do. Misery.... another 2 p.m. meeting where everybody walks in at 3 p.m., sits around and laughs at (supposed) witticisms till 5 p.m., and then decides to catch up with the real agenda on Monday.

Feeling blue. Solid, navy B-L-U-E.

12:50 p.m.

Vitriolic email from business head who wants his project completed 2 weeks before schedule. Really now. The Cc option should be disabled for some people. He's put his entire vertical and mine in that bar.

Debated the wisdom of replying with a subtle, sarcasm laden email describing the benefits of a nature-appreciation jaunt.

Like...'Take a hike' , y'know.

Oh, forget it. He's capable of writing back asking for a timeline for that too. Grrrrr.

1:00 p.m.

Made up my mind to go the J-Lo way and insure the same..uhh...property. Different reasons though.

Hers is admired/coveted/drooled over, around the world.

Mine is whipped outta shape, even if in the figurative sense. Actually, that hurts more.

1:40 p.m.

Lunchtime.

Karela mash and watery dal. Sour curd that'll work wonders for my stomach bacteria population.

Rice. Atta frisbees... sorry, rotis. And the works.

Mental sticky note: Prepare last will and testament. Name nominees.

2:50 p.m.

Finally. Got past the blocks and "Company policy does not permit access to this site" pop-ups and logged in to Orkut. Hmmm. Mebbe their Chinese fortune cookie-type messages will have something nice to say.

Today's fortune: You and your wife will live happily ever after.

Rrrright.

Me. And wife.

Bhaery phunny. Exactly what I needed to hear.Bad, bad Confucious. No chowmein for you.

A distant Chinese-accented voice screams, "I no say thaaaaaat!!!!"

Rocking day so far. Shouldn't surprise you that I'm pro-Tibet now.

3:00 p.m.

Moved on to Orkut scrapbook. 3 new scraps. Lemme see.

Damn. Two of them are for pasting code into the address bar to see

"Congratulations!! You've been voted the World's Biggest LOSER!!"

OR

"Warning: Preparing to self-destruct....5..4..3..2.."

The third one's a 'frand-sheep' request from some obscure geek who thinks I look garjyaass...errr...gorgeous. Did I mention that the only picture on my profile is one of Hobbes? I tell you, these techie-types need to get out and meet real people once in a while.

Waitaminit. Mebbe he really was talking about Hobbes. Self esteem steps out for a walk in the rain.

4:15 p.m.

Desperate for a caffeine fix. Rushed to pantry with coffee mug to find.... no prizes for guessing.

"Machine out of order. Regret inconvenience."

5:00 p.m.

Nooooo....

Urgent requirement for crucial data and metrics for a high-level meeting. A scroll down the forwarded email shows that the meeting was scheduled more than a month ago. A call to the so-called 'desperate' AGM reveals that he's already left for the day. Like, hello, who's meeting was this? There go my plans to leave at 6 sharp.

Sorely tempted to stagger around clutching my heart and croak, "Oh palpitations! Oh palpitations!"

Before you start sniggering, lemme tell you that Anton Chekhov actually used that line. Atleast his translators did.

5:45 p.m.

First sensible act of the day. Discreetly disconnected landline, and switched mobile network to an unreliable one. Gave self feeble pat on the back...shoulder, actually. can't reach that far.

Inner voice: Exercise, woman, exerciiiiiise!!!"

Zahra's voice: "Shaddup. SHAADDDDUUUP!!"

6:20 p.m.

Emailed the accursed report. Hurriedly shut down comp and fled down the corridor, only to barrel into...gulp...Boss. Whyyyy is his cabin on the way out? I tell youuuuu (Tam-style)...the vaastu in this place is all fouled up.

"Btw, I want updates on the status of Projects Alpha through Omega by ten a.m. tomorrow. See you."

Aatma descends effortlessly to the ground floor. Bhautik shareer awaits the lift to follow suit.

8:20 p.m.

Back home in one piece despite suicidal auto driver.

Stood in front of the mirror and chanted "Why am I doing this to myself??" 100 times as per routine.

Check dinner prospects. Yesterday's dal and last week's bread.

10:45 p.m.

Thought: It couldn't get worse than this.

Second thought: Don't be too sure.

Oh well, so it was my statue day today. Go to bed praying for the pigeon's role tomorrow.

ZZZzzzzzzz.....

Note: Okay, so I exaggerate, :) But I've had several days like this one in the not-too-distant past!!