Go on, say it.
If you are a product of the school syllabus of the eighties-cum-nineties like me, you would have ended that title with “…And Gay”.
Well, mentally at least.
I know most of these meanings existed long before I was born…but, aahhhh….for those innocent (well, almost) days when we chanted rhymes starring people in near-obscene states of happiness.
When fairies used to be these perfectly sweet little winged creatures that little girls and boys could believe in. And be friends with. Even want to play with.
Get your mind out of the gutter. This instant.
And faggots were meant to be gathered and burned with no question of an activist in the scene. I know some folks who’d still like to believe that, but that’s another post.
Of times when we weren’t old enough, or in my case informed enough, to burst into furtive titters while reading about Master Bates in Oliver Twist. In case you didn’t get that one, read it again…aloud.
Damn, did I tell you to say it out loud in your office cubicle? Really now…
Or when the gender opposite of ‘hen’ did not imply an anatomical reference of any sort.
When I could play badminton, and yell over the fence “Bhaiyya, can you pass that co….”…. errr, never mind. Today I have to bite my tongue by the time I reach the end of ‘shuttle’. Sigh.
When references to your pussy had nothing to do with your body and everything to do with your grouchy pet feline.
And buns were, well…. just buns y’know?
Don’t even get me started on nuts, balls, and screws.
When referring to your male colleague with the phrase “Good head....” wouldn’t need a withering glance at a giggler before continuing with "...for numbers.”
Really. It’s hard enough just trying to be nice to people.
If you are a product of the school syllabus of the eighties-cum-nineties like me, you would have ended that title with “…And Gay”.
Well, mentally at least.
I know most of these meanings existed long before I was born…but, aahhhh….for those innocent (well, almost) days when we chanted rhymes starring people in near-obscene states of happiness.
When fairies used to be these perfectly sweet little winged creatures that little girls and boys could believe in. And be friends with. Even want to play with.
Get your mind out of the gutter. This instant.
And faggots were meant to be gathered and burned with no question of an activist in the scene. I know some folks who’d still like to believe that, but that’s another post.
Of times when we weren’t old enough, or in my case informed enough, to burst into furtive titters while reading about Master Bates in Oliver Twist. In case you didn’t get that one, read it again…aloud.
Damn, did I tell you to say it out loud in your office cubicle? Really now…
Or when the gender opposite of ‘hen’ did not imply an anatomical reference of any sort.
When I could play badminton, and yell over the fence “Bhaiyya, can you pass that co….”…. errr, never mind. Today I have to bite my tongue by the time I reach the end of ‘shuttle’. Sigh.
When references to your pussy had nothing to do with your body and everything to do with your grouchy pet feline.
And buns were, well…. just buns y’know?
Don’t even get me started on nuts, balls, and screws.
When referring to your male colleague with the phrase “Good head....” wouldn’t need a withering glance at a giggler before continuing with "...for numbers.”
Really. It’s hard enough just trying to be nice to people.
When discussing who got the biggest ‘O’ didn’t draw any scandalized gasps from eavesdroppers. Y’see, doughnut boxes demand complete attention.
No, we weren’t comparing tha-a-at..... Yeah, I’ve heard pigs have it for much longer than humans do.
Hold it right there buddy, if you’ve got more questions of that kind, you’ve come to the wrong page.
Yeah, you heard me.
S.C.R.A.M.
Phew…..Where were we?
Oh yes, this might interest you.
My introduction to G-strings came via a stentorian middle-aged schoolmaster…..and nobody screamed bloody murder ‘coz the aforementioned string was on a guitar.
Guess I’m better off than a friend who was nearly lynched for casually mentioning that he was “fingering A minor” the previous night. Hmmm.
I’ve also heard choirmasters tell their singers to “Pay attention to others’ parts”. Better still, some say “Look at others’ parts”. (Wicked grin)
Seriously, the number of somethings-that-can-also-mean-something-else today makes an ordeal out of every conversation. Like, look at the ruckus Tharoor-saab kicked up with a reference of the bovine variety.
Cut to a decade from now when I (might) put my (possibly) hapless (and currently imaginary) offspring through their paces in the Queen’s language.
Kid 1: Ma, how’s this sentence? “Squirrels collect nuts for winter”.
Zahra: (Horrified) Wha…??? WHERE did you learn that??
Kid 2: Mama, Doctor-uncle asked me today if I was afraid of a prick!!
Zahra: (Hyperventilating) Ohmigod, and I thought he was a decent man....Stay calm. Breathe. Breathe. And what did you say???
Kid 2: (Proudly) I said “Of course I’m not scared!!”
Zahra: (Weakly. Very weakly.) A..a..and?
Kid 2: He gave me an injection!
I can see a very strong argument for mass sterilization and consequent blood pressure control here.
On a final note, let’s bow to the masters of double entendre....that’s John Cleese and Groucho Marx in my book.
Gotta admit, this line cracks me up every time I hear it.
“If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”
Hey, that’s what he said!!!
:D
P.S. – To all those shady souls who’ve come here after typing ….well, shady searches…… get yer kicks elsewhere!!
